Wherefrom The Wherewithal?

I have had a number of queries recently about finance, more specifically, my own. It appears that few have a staffed manor house in Toronto, complete with helipad, or a beach house in California, a villa on the Costa Del Sol, apartments in Paris and London, and a neat little condo in Tokyo. Maintaining all this, of course, makes certain fiscal demands, but to me these are not onerous. The reason is a simple one:

Ecce beta vulgaris.

Or put another way, "Behold the sugar beet."

My late husband, dear Lord Strunsky, had spotted the utility of this useful vegetable some decades ago, and had quietly bought controlling interests in major plantations in the prime producing countries, Ukraine, Russia, the U.S. and Germany. Now I will admit that the sugar beet is not talked of often, and rarely appears in novels or stories. (One remarkable exception is Tom Robbins excellent Jitterbug Perfume, although Lord Strunsky thought that Robbins terribly abused the sugar beet by turning it into a perfume base.)

I should note as well that France is also prominent in the area of sugar beets, but Lord Strunsky was unsuccessful in moving into this particular market. Apparently the Elysee Palace sees the production of sugar beets as a "National Champion" and therefore opts for total control. Such production is also seen as a national security issue. Baffling, but we are dealing with the French.

Now even in this time of credit horror, with even large banks staring into a ghastly abyss of debit, the sugar beet continues to add to its value. After all, it supplies 30% of the world's sugar. But there is more.

The Czechs, always an enterprising folk, have developed a rum-like beverage from the sugar beet, called tuzemak. I first sampled this some years ago at a party in Prague, and had a great time. I think -- the details are a bit hazy. When I woke up, I was glad to see that clothing, cash and jewellery were all intact. Not so my virginity, but that didn't matter. That "intactness" went during my teen age years, and that's enough of that.

The Germans, being somewhat down to earth, made a syrup from the sugar beet, and then went on to develop a very fine soup called Zuckerruben. But it is the Brits, bless them, that have really sent the price soaring. British Petroleum, along with Dupont, are working with various agriculture authorities to create a fuel additive, and the enterprise shows much promise, as well as being on the side of the eco-angels.

So there we are, and it's amazing how the money rolls in.

I should confess that I do supplement my balance book from time to time by undertaking assignments for various governments that, well let us say, are somewhat beyond the remit of the average civil servant. Can't really elaborate here, the Official Secrets Act being what it is. But, where finances are concerned, one must think carefully, and I leave you with a comment made by my second cousin, Simeon: "Money is that element that makes stupidity shine."