Bonus Bashing

Before she flew off to London for the G20 bun fest, Michelle Obama, recently added to my secure cell phone, gave me a call. Michelle was worried about the anger surfacing in America about the number of obscene bonuses being paid to all those who had got their enterprises into trouble in the first place. Most worrisome of all was the fact that some of this anger was being directed towards her husband.

"Of course," I replied.

"Of course?" she yelped. "But he had nothing to do with it!"

"Well, he was in the Senate, and could have urged greater oversight, but that's neither here nor there. The whole thing is Oedipal, you see."

"No, I don't see."

"Well, think of Sophocles Oedipus Rex. The King, Oedipus, is doing what?"

Now Michelle, unlike several million of her countrymen, has had an education, and she began to parse it out. She recalled the plague hammering Oedipus' city of Thebes, Oedipus' frantic attempts to find the cause, and then coming to the realization that he himself was the cause. (Inadvertently married his mother, you see, but that's an issue for another day). The point that she grasped was the assumption of responsibility for actions taken, something only a person who is all grown up can do. For non-grown ups, all thought becomes focussed on who to blame. Hence the howls of outrage directed at bankers, financiers and insurance company executives, (who admittedly are greedy bastards) but not at themselves (for letting the lure of a sub-prime mortgage or a totally unrealistic return on a dubious investment outweigh good sense. Step forward Bernie Madoff).

"But, Simone, what can Barack do, then?"

"In the short term, wait it out. In the long term, the answer lies in education, and I think he realizes that."

"Lord, it isn't easy, is it?" and I caught a quaver in her voice.

"No it isn't. But as Piet Hein put it in a well-thought out Grook, 'Problems worthy of attack / Prove their worth by hitting back.' Now enough of this. Your wardrobe all ready?"

There followed a longish discussion on pencil skirts, colours (yellow and green suit her) and proper behaviour when meeting The Queen. I also advised her to stay away from the Dolce and Gabbana, Dior, Givenchy and the like when trooping around Strasbourg with the love of Sarkozy's life, Carla Bruni. "After all, Michelle, the woman is a professional clothes horse -- sometimes the best way to win the game is not to play at all. But stay away from pant suits; don't want to be mistaken for Hillary."

"In other words, Simone, 'Be humble, Uriah, and you'll get on.'"

"Right. And have a Dickens of a time."