Free Speech and Film: The Repast

So. Daughter and Irving had gone off to this crazy film shoot. I had decided not to attend, for three good reasons:

1) I had no wish to see Victoria suspended by the ankles. Not the sort of things mothers' delight in.

2) A film shoot is boring, and takes forever, what with gaffers and gofers all over the place, and all afflicted with importance.

3) I had some homework to do. Apparently I am being sued by the City Council for what I did to a tree on my property, and I wanted to get my ducks in order before contacting my lawyers, the prestigious firm of Lambaste, Lambaste and McScroo. More about that in my next report.

From my terrace at the Manor, morning croissants and coffee finished, I saw that my driver Ahmed had brought the limo back. I went to greet the passengers, Irving and my daughter, who, I was glad to note, was still in one piece.

"How did it all go?" I asked Irving.

"It was great," said Victoria.

"Very well indeed," said Irving. "I arranged the ropes in a certain way -- "

"I don't want to know."

"But Mum," said Victoria excitedly, "the crew even gave me a little award. See?"

She handed me a little golden statuette of a girl suspended upside-down, with an inscription that read 'Best damsel in distress. Ever.' "Isn't that cute?" she crowed.

"Oh, just wonderful." I had much rather she had shown similar excitement when she had been awarded a Certificate of Merit for her work at Stanford that shed new light on the 1631 Siege of Magdeburg during the Thirty Years War. Come to think of it, that event was remarked at the time as one of staggering brutality in an age where brutality was all too commonplace. I am going to have to watch my youngest daughter a bit more carefully.

"Now, Vicky, lunch. And then off to your panel discussion." This I would attend, and, indeed, was looking forward to it. Victoria would be flanked by a biologist, a bishop and a physicist. Should be an interesting discussion.

Alas, it was not to be.

Ahmed dropped us off near the Convocation Hall at the University, and as we made our way towards the building, we were confronted with all manner of people shouting and waving big signs about. What the hell?

"Vicky," I said, "just what topic is this panel discussion addressing?"

Victoria was also a bit puzzled at the noisy throng. "Nothing dramatic, really. It's a statement by H.L. Mencken, you know, the writer --"

"I know who H.L. Mencken is."

"Yeah, well it's his statement. It's now in my memory: "Every time the scientists take another fort from the theologians and the politicians, there is genuine human progress."

Ah, I thought. I looked more closely at the screaming protesters. Sure enough, representatives of almost every major religion were present: Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, and one really tough looking group called 'Truckers for Christ'. Only Buddhists seemed to have stayed away, exhibiting their usual good sense. Then Victoria's cell phone went off. She listened for a moment, then said "But it's a university. This is where free speech is everything...really...oh, that's too bad...no, I don't really understand." With that she clamped her phone shut, and turned to me, fury in her eyes.

"The panel discussion has been cancelled, she snapped. "Apparently some Human Rights Tribunal sees this as a hate crime or something, and threatened the University that they would be charged. Really and truly, Mum. This is ridiculous. This would never happen at Stanford."

This, of course, was nonsense.

"Vicky, just imagine that by some freak of circumstance Rush Limbaugh, Dick Cheney and, oh, Ann Coulter were scheduled to address the Stanford student body on the topic, 'Democrats are Dense and Dumb.' You think the students would give them a fair hearing?"

Victoria was silent for a moment, then said in a small voice, "Well, one could hope."

"One could, which is why Hope came last out of Pandora's Box. So let us hope. In the meantime, I have a question. Does your cell phone take pictures?

"Yes. It films a bit too."

"Excellent. Then document a bit of this demonstration, then post it on You Tube. Use a suitable heading such as, 'University Defends Free Speech. NOT!' Or something like that."

This she did, and a suitable amount of hell was raised. Doing our bit, if you will, in what really is a fallen universe.