Putting It To Putin

So there I was, re-reading Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics, and musing about sending 100 copies to the United States Senate (where it was desperately needed) when Irving entered and said, "It's him. On the secure line."

"Sir Harry? But he's in Kabul right now."

"No. The other 'him'. Vladimir Putin."

"Oh, that 'him'. Good. Nice to keep my Russian up to date. I'll take it in the conservatory."

I sauntered downstairs, and soon was on the line.

"Vladimir. A pleasant surprise. How goes life in the Kremlin?"

"Where have you been?" he replied. "Medvedev wanted to discuss something with you, and you apparently had disappeared."

"I was...away. And let us hope that what Medvedev wanted to discuss was his earlier emphasis on law, transparency and rewarding merit. That apparently has disappeared as well. Really. No wonder Russia screwed up so badly in the Olympics. The old emphasis on who you know rather that what you know."

"I don't want to talk about that," he said curtly. "And I suppose you had nothing to do with that weird avalanche in North Waziristan that wiped out a certain jihadist training camp? Someone spotted you, or a clone, nearby. I'd be interested in just how and whatever team you were with managed that."

"I"ll just bet you would," I said sweetly. "But remember, Vladimir, each snowflake in an avalanche screams 'Not guilty!'" Now what are you actually calling about?"

"I hear your sugar beet enterprise in Ukraine is going well."

"Ah. Been talking to Yuliya, have we? I heard that you were comforting La Tymoshenko after she got turfed out of office. Personally, I blame it on her keeping that silly peasant braid she swans around in."

Putin hesitated, then said "She is...interesting. But that's neither here nor there. I would be interested in discussions leading to a similar enterprise in Russia."

This caught me a bit by surprise. "Really," I said. "Under the same arrangement? Twenty per cent to Russia, the rest to Strunsky Enterprises, who control policy, staffing, wages and benefits? Not exactly the way you run things there."

"I and Medvedev are prepared to give it a try. As a sort of... working model."

Goodness, things must be worse than I thought in Mother Russia. "Very well. I will bring the proposal up in front of the Board."

"You are the Board," he snapped.

"And I need something in return."

"And just what might that be?" His voice had returned to its normal smoothness. Negotiation he understood.

"Sanction the hell out of Iran. Religious idiots and nuclear bombs don't mix. "

"We're working on that."

"Work harder."

"Then there's the Chinese --"

"I have a little thing I am exploring with Premier Hu on that," I admitted. "Fruit not yet ripe for the picking. But I must commend your initiative on the sugar beet matter. Either that, or you are totally smitten by the fair Yuliya."

"So we can proceed?"

"As your position on Iran goes, so go the sugar beets. A happy mix, just as that with socialism with capitalism. In the West, socialism is what makes capitalism bearable."

"And in the East?" Putin asked.

"Capitalism is what makes socialism bearable."

"Neat, that. Bye, dorogaya."

Sweetheart indeed. Well, we will see.





















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