MY Nobel Nominations

An interesting contretemps occurred during a trip to the airport (of which more later) that got me thinking of those processes that contribute mightily to making life easier, processes that I think that I think the Nobel Committee should give more consideration to. I am not so much concerned with a specific inventions here, although there's no denying that inventions such as zippers, can openers, intermittent windshield wipers and the like have facilitated things no end. Rather I was thinking of processes that do much to enhance social life.

Two instances come to mind.

1) The Nobel Committee should have sought out the person, group or organization who first conceived the 'one queue leading to many'. Now it has been many years since I have lined up at a bank (I mean, why else have staff?) but I can remember when I wore a younger woman's clothes never failing to pick the one line that never seemed to move. Others advanced well, but not mine, as a senior citizen simply had to discuss with the teller the trials of her Aunt Maud and those pesky bunions. Now, however, and given a similar situation, what I call the 'Prime Line' feeds into a number of secondary lines. To be sure, one line will be slow, but not all will, and life can go on. This process also has made airport baggage check-in easier, although its efficiency has been trumped by security examinations that edge on the pornographic.

2) The Committee should also unearth whoever saw the efficacy of adding a left hand turn lane to an intersection. Prior to this, one person making a left turn (or right turn in the UK) had it in his or her power to hold up everyone. Now the left-turners simply slide into their own lane while the non-turners can continue on their way. Good stuff, and a great diminisher of road rage.

Speaking of road rage, this was prominent in the incident that started this train of thought in the first place. I was in the backseat of the Bentley, Ahmad my driver was in charge, and we were in a long line of traffic leading to an up ramp to the expressway. To our right was a lane that was clearly marked, and had been from a fair distance, indicating that this was for right turns only, with no access to the ramp, and led to a street that went north from the up ramp.

We were close to the ramp, patiently waiting for the light to change. It did, and the line started forward. At this point, two cars, a Jaguar and BMW to be exact, had cheated by zooming along the near empty right hand lane and now made an effort to insert themselves into the ramp line. This enraged all those that had been patiently waiting in the line, and they were denied. The Jag came to an abrupt halt, and the BMW careened into it, although from my point of view no damage to either car was caused. Instantly two persons, best described as 'ladies who lunch', got out and began screaming at each other. This little scene brought everything to a halt, along with not a few comments from now trapped drivers along the lines of "You go, girls!"

I wasn't overly worried about violence with these two -- their hair-dos looked way too expensive to be put at risk, and their make-up was 'just so', although it looked like it had been put on by power tools. The invective continued, and was growing stronger. Maybe things would get nasty after all. Then the cops arrived, and attempted to establish order out of chaos. They weren't happy about this, and the expression on their faces indicated that perhaps they should have just done a FIDO.**

Soon all got straightened away, and the cars were directed up the street, which is where they should have gone in the first place. All of which told me that another 'process' was needed. It would, for instance, be entirely possible delineate the lane in question (via a prominent flashing light) by constructing a concrete barrier, a kind of Herman Kahn approach, if you will. This would make it impossible to turn in any direction but right. To be sure, this would cause pain when one realized that the ramp was not viable, but pain leads to learning, a Good Thing. (All we learn from pleasure is the principle of repeatability).

Or, in the words of Hermann Hesse, "Experience is a good school, but the fees are high."

** The good Lady again assumes too much. FIDO is cop-speak for "Fuck it. Drive on." -Ed.