Notes On Votes

While recuperating from my recent bout with Cholangitis, I stayed with a close friend who lived near the hospital where I was being treated. (Can't be too careful about these things).

Now it so happened that part of the city was enduring a by-election and hence was subject to candidates coming to the front door, and explaining why their candidate deserved my vote. Being from another riding, I had no vote in that particular jurisdiction, and my friend stated that there was no reason for me to respond to the request to learn all about the candidate's proposals for re-election.

I said that this was not a problem, and, were a candidate to hove into view, I would gladly illustrate what I meant.

Shortly after, this occurred.

We invited the candidate in, a somewhat breathless young woman afflicted with Purpose. She shook our hands, and gave us both a flyer outlining all good things that would come to be were she to be elected. I studied the pamphlet for a moment, then asked, "Where is it? I can't seem to find it."

"Where is what?" the woman said.

I replied,"The programs you have to cut, in order to accomplish the objectives stated in the flyer. We are already in a deficit position, taxes are at an all-time high, and therefore spending cuts to certain programs must occur. I have looked at your information to see what programs would be affected, and they don't appear to be here."

She stared at me a moment, then, realizing that this was a classic Lost Cause, took her leave.

"You see," I said to my friend, "the minute you draw on Reality, the whole political edifice crumbles, and the candidates go away."

"Unless you're Rob Ford," she countered.

"Unless you're Rob Ford. Pity he's not with the Federal Government dealing with the First Nations. Chief Redman Hood of the Standing Buffalo First Nation, to be specific. If ever a program should be cut, it would be this one. The Chief has refused to give up his office and his $194,737 tax-free salary as infuriated and impoverished band members try to impeach him. If you look further," I continued, "he makes the equivalent of $317,583 for someone living off-reserve and paying taxes. By comparison, Premier Brad Wall of Saskatchewan was paid $158,566 and Prime Minister Harper earned $315,462. Not bad for the Chief, considering Standing Buffalo has only 443 residents living there."

"Now that's a gravy train,"my friend observed.

Inarguable.