Ukraine: A Modest Proposal

Bohdan, who manages my sugar beet holdings located near Kiev, was somewhat concerned about the recent protest movement that has erupted in Kiev's main square. This revolt had led to certain logistic difficulties with respect to sugar beet exports, and my bottom line was beginning to suffer.

I agreed instantly with Bohdan that this was unacceptable. A world without sugar beets? Unthinkable. 

The cause of all this fuss can be directly traced to Ukraine's leader, Viktor Yanukovych, and his decision not to engage in closer trade ties with the European Union. (E.U.)

Instead, he has sought the dubious comfort of Vladimir Putin's Russia, feeling more at home in the grip of the Russian bear than in the E.U.'s democratic embrace. The fact that Putin had threatened to turn off the gas of course had nothing to do with the decision.

This decision, Bohdan tells me, was greeted with approval in the eastern part of Ukraine, while those in the western part were appalled. And herein lies the grounds for the modest proposal referred to in the title of this report.

"East is East and West is West" wrote Rudyard Kipling, "and never the twain shall meet." Taking these words to heart, I would suggest that Viktor could appease the Russian bear (at least for the moment -- it is, after all, a Russian bear) by agreeing to sit down with the protesters and negotiate TWO SEPARATE COUNTRIES.

Think about it. Eastern Ukraine always has been closer to Russia than those in the Western half of the country, speak Russian more than Ukrainian, and are extremely conservative in thought and deed, totally content with not much happening at all. In Russia, but not of it, as it were. And Viktor could, a la Putin, be some kind of President for life. Happiness forever.

This split may not go down with a number of young people in the East. They can, however, follow newspaper editor Horace Greeley's advice: "Go West, young man." and move. The West speaks actual Ukrainian rather than Russian, and even is sticking a linguistic toe into English. An agreement with the E.U. would suit many just fine, and while there is some distance to go, the best way to learn how democracy works is to practice it.

Worth a try, anyway.

Oh, and while we're about it, let Yulia out of prison. If Viktor is happily reigning in the East, he, like Rhett Butler, frankly wouldn't give a damn.