Oh, Say Can You See

I thought I would be writing this a bit sooner, but things intervened, not the least of which was the weather. The Russians may be right -- another Ice Age is dawning. Certainly this is occuring in the Northern Hemisphere, and not only is this inconvenient for Al Gore, more importantly, it is inconvenient for me. A power outage brought things to a sudden halt at the Manor, and my generator also chose this moment to break down. Fortunately, I have an engineering degree, and an hour's work and some spot welding put things right. My driver and handyman, Ahmed, was impressed -- his Islamic university obviously had skipped this type of skill. Wonder what the Imams and Mullahs have against spot welding? Must ask, when the moment is right.

Anyway, when I left you, I was winging my way from Khartoum, and unlike one G. Bush, I could truly say "mission accomplished." I arrived in Washington in time for The Event; that is, the Inauguration of Barack Obama. I had a good vantage point for the parade, on top of the Canadian Embassy, where I had agreed to help out with security.

I was greeted by a colleague from former years, code name Barry, who I think is with the Canadian special forces, or JTF2. I say "I think" -- in the security field, one is never absolutely sure. Barry greeted me warmly.

"Simone! I heard you would be joining us. Been some time since Bogota."

"It has, " I replied. "Be nice to be there now. There's a hell of a wind chill up here." I was snuggled into a thick parka, but going from the Sudan into Arctic weather can be a bit of a shock.

"Got my thingy?"

"Here," he said, tossing me a rifle. "You requested an Erma SR 100, with the Burris Fullfield scope. Good choice, that."

"Right about that. What's the quadrant?"

Yours is forty-five degrees H, one eighty-three V. Those five windows."

"Got it. No discernible activity."

"Let us hope it stays that way." I nestled into a crouching position, trying to get as comfortable as possible. "How long before the limousine shows?"

"About five minutes -- holy shit!"

"What?"

"Look!" said Barry, excitement in his voice, his eyes glued to his own scope. "Zero in on the large window in the quadrant adjacent to yours. Isn't that Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter? "

I swivelled a tad, and aligned my own scope. "By God, Barry, your right."

"You know, Simone, with a couple of fairly easy shots, the radical right would definitely take a turn for the worse. Things would become, well, more peaceful."

"Now Barry," I replied, "that's the whole point. The lunatic fringe, unless they are horsing around with explosives, missiles or whatever, are actually a Good Thing. Wingnuts help keep sanity in focus, and hence makes it easier for sanity to prevail. Besides, I rather like Ann. We only met once, at a reception for Bill Maher, and she can be very witty. Does a good job of making the untenable almost tenable. Carries herself well, too."

"She does that. Now concentrate, there's the limousine."

Everything after that went smoothly, and later at a small reception in the Embassy, I reflected a bit on the coming new era. (Attending public balls was out of the question -- in my trade, any publicity was simply courting disaster. I have it on good authority that I am Number One on the Taliban's hit list, Al Qaeda doesn't love me either, and at least two Mafia dons have very expensive contracts out. Such is life.) So I reflected, and while I certainly wished Barack Obama well (and was gratified to have a number for Michelle's Blackberry) I felt a twinge of regret at the departure of George Bush. I certainly won't miss his overweening confidence, his total lack of self-awareness, or his succumbing to advice given by those creeps Rumsfeld, Rove and Cheney. What a litany of useless deaths of young American men and women, to say nothing of the thousands of Iraqis that died. No, that aspect of the Bush Presidency I won't miss at all. What I will miss are those wonderful, Zen-like phrases he trotted out from time to time. Here are three of my favourites:

"The vast majority of imports come from outside the country."

"I have made good judgements in the past. I have made good judgements in the future."

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

As the Mastercard commercial goes, "Priceless."