Of Art and Airport Security

Every so often, schedules permitting, it is my custom to host a dinner party for my colleagues in The Trade. This is appreciated, the wines being well-chosen, the food wonderful, and no bugs whatsoever in the room. Six were in attendance this time: Svetlana Marinskaya of the Russian FSB; Matilda Hatt of the CIA: Code Barry of CSIS, and of course the Compte de Rienville of the French D.G.S.E. The Compte and I are also -- well, no need to go into that. We were joined by my minder Irving and his companion, Rachel, both recently turfed from Mossad.

Rachel was indeed the focus of attention at the dinner. All had some idea of her contribution to the WRAITH software, but only Irving and Tilly Hatt knew all the details. Rachel was adept in deflecting all queries -- good on her.

We took port and some fine Stilton in the study.

"An excellent repast, Simone," said Code Barry. "A new cook on the premises?"

"No, Henri is still with us. But as you have seen, this has been a catered affair. Henri was giving some support to a new outfit. 'Licious Delight' it's called. Interesting story, though. The former title of the firm was 'Licentious Delight', a restaurant with a small dining room and a much larger set of rooms on the second floor for, er --"

"Licentious delight." This from Tilly Hatt.

"So to speak. But then they had to let their cook go. Apparently he had difficulty keeping his hands off the merchandise. The new cook they hired was a former sous-chef at the Georges Cinq in Paris. Didn't take long after that for customers to realize that the food was the best they had ever encountered, and the news spread quickly through, very appropriately, word of mouth. The owners, not being dolts, made the problem the solution. Licentious Delight became Licious Delight. The restaurant took over the second floor, the girls became servers, and a small catering service was started, the results of which you have just experienced.

"Ah," said Svetlana darkly, "once again the glories of adaptable capitalism. And you, Simone, are a prime example. The pictures in this room must have cost a fortune. Isn't that Klimt's 'The Kiss'?

"And on the far wall," noted Code Barry, "isn't that Vermeer's 'Girl With The Pearl Earring?."

"It is," I responded, "although one of my nieces thinks it's a portrait of Scarlet Johansson, an observation that tells me my niece's education is far from complete. But both the Vermeer and the Klimt, as well as some others you would recognize, are forgeries."

"Appropriate, given what you do," put in Tilly brightly.

"Possibly," I continued. "But I would rather have first rate forgeries than prints. The effort put in and all. Mind you, I once had originals, courtesy of Lord Strunsky's estate. Donated them all to various galleries, and applied the tax receipts to my sugar beet business. Which was nice, but not the real reason I did it."

"And that is?" encouraged the Compte. (A treasure he is.)

"A masterpiece should never be the property of a single person. It belongs to the world. To hide it away is simply the characteristic of a monstrous ego. Don't you think?"

This resulted in a extended silence, finally broken Irving.

"Artists," he said, "spend their whole lives learning to see."

"So do police officers," Tilly added.

"And Israeli airport security officials." This from Rachel.

"Yeah," said Tilly. "The U.S hasn't been doing too well there. Good Lord, I was even requested for a pat down coming into San Antonio the other day. I showed the woman my security clearance, but this didn't register. I asked for her supervisor, but she wasn't having any of this so off we went to the private room, where she fainted. Used Blossoms After Midnight".

"Pressure on the carotid artery. Stops the blood flow to the brain," said Svetlana rather unnecessarily.

"Well," Tilly continued, "this did bring the supervisor, and all got straightened out. But what poor training. Only eight hours! Can you believe it? In my opinion, Israel does it right. Care to comment? Irving? Rachel?"

Irving said, "The training is much more comprehensive, and remember, all security officers have undergone two years of military service. Then comes rigorous training in psychology, pattern recognition and profiling. There's an American saying that sums all this up nicely. Something about observation and seeing, but it escapes me."

I said, "Probably one of Yogi Berra's. He remarked once that you could observe a lot just by watching. But there is another statement that comes to mind, and one that should never be forgotten. Benjamin Franklin was firm in his belief that 'those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty or safety.' So there. Now discuss among yourselves.

You too.



























































"In truth," I said, "they're forgeries. Brilliant, but forgeries. I collect them. I would collect an original masterpiece