Wiki Whatever

Until recently, I had thought 'Wikileaks' an obscure term having to do with incontinence. I was disabused of this by Sir Harry, who wanted an analysis of the whole Wikileaks mess. He also complimented me -- a strange departure of form -- saying that absolutely none of our messages had surfaced. Of course not; I had taken to heart Marshall McLuhan's insight that modern media had resulted in a 'global village', with all that that entails, both good and bad. The Good Thing about a village is that everyone is aware of what everyone else is doing. That is also the Bad Thing, and therefore one must take measures.

Apparently, as I delved into the subject, I was somewhat astounded to learn that very few members of The Powers That Be had absorbed Dr. McLuhan's insight, and had taken few such measures. Hence all kinds of private communication were now flooding the world, to the chagrin of many and the delight of many more.

What was even more surprising -- the person involved. One might have expected that Lisbeth Salander had somehow escaped from The Millenium Trilogy (as could happen in a Jasper Fforde novel) and was now crying havoc and letting loose the dogs of cyber space. But this was not the case at all.

Step forward one Julian Assange, who is about as far away from a Lisbeth Salander as it is possible to get. (Sweden is after him for rape, and Interpol has issued an arrest warrant.) A closer look gives the following:

1) His parents were travelling entertainers in Australia. When young Julian was eight his mother remarried into 'The Family', a cult whose predilection was to abuse children with psychiatric medication. The marriage soon went to ratshit, and Julian's mother took him into hiding for the next five years, moving the kid 37 times before he was 14. (I am not making this up).

2) Julian somehow discovered an ability with computers, and started a career -- if you can call it that -- in computer hacking. His nickname was 'Mendax', which is I believe 'liar' in Latin, and at least shows a glimmer of self-awareness on Julian's part. He was once convicted for hacking into Nortel, an event that might explain....well, no it won't.

3) His obsession is to embarrass the world's freest countries, and his anti-Americanism is virulent.

Case in point. Julian made known the names of Afghan human rights activists and other personnel who have cooperated with the U.S. and giving out GPS coordinates to help the process along. The Taliban spokesman Zabihullah Mujahid was delighted, saying that the information would be "beneficial" and that "We know how to punish them." (I don't doubt that for a minute.)

A second case in point. Julian published details of the technology used to stop improvised explosive devices (IEDs) from being detonated. He called such IEDs "rebel investments" and noted with glee that for every dollar spent by the terrorists, the U.S. has to spend thousands to defend against them.

As I informed Sir Harry, it is the above stuff that should be concentrated upon. The gossipy stuff should simply be ignored. After all, who didn't know that the Karzai brothers were sleazy and corrupt, or that Hillary Clinton was one tough cookie, or that Vladimir Putin was skimming the profits of Gazprom, or that Angela Merkel could be blunt, or....well, the list could go on. In effect, much ado about nothing, save for the two cases in point mentioned above. All of which prompts a question -- why is this man still alive?

But I refrained from suggesting what we in The Trade call an 'executive sanction'. Why make the guy a martyr? Given that my sources indicate that Julian is presently in the UK, I urged Sir Harry to link up with his colleagues in MI5, grab him, and extradite him to Sweden. A rapist gets little world sympathy, save perhaps in the Congo, where rape is fast becoming a ghastly national sport. Certainly the whole Wikileaks thing would come to a sudden, abrupt halt.

All very depressing, and I felt in need of some soothing, some calm. So I entered the study, poured myself a serious martini, and put on a DVD that always relaxes me. Its title? Why Animals Attack.