Friday, December 17, 2010

The Possible and the Improbable

First, the possible.

As the Christmas holiday looms -- I use the verb advisedly -- my minder Irving and his girlfriend Rachel informed me that they were taking a small vacation to an undisclosed location. Undisclosed, because Rachel's development of the Wraith software had the world looking hard for her, and if she were found, things could get, well, unpleasant. Since I was staying at the Manor with the CIA's Matilda Hatt and welcoming my brats home, Irving thought I would be safe.

Rachel also informed me that while attempts to get at Wraith were getting better, it still remained unlocated. The attempts, she added, had increased, probably because she had ramped up the Stuxnet virus, and the Iranian nuclear installations at Natanz and Bushehr were now a good two years behind schedule. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was in a state of fury, and no end of resources were being applied to trace down the perpetrator. Rachel went on to say that she had created something she termed a 'deflector buffer' that re-routed any hacker-like probings directly to Mecca. "That", she said, "should keep everyone busy for a goodly time."

Now to the improbable.

Tilly wasn't expected for several days . She was, in fact, in Venezuela and involved in something that, whatever it was, would annoy the hell out of Hugo Chavez. Suck it up, Hugo, I thought. Anyway, what Tilly requested was my response to a series of questions. These were relayed over a public telephone line, an action which told me two things: either she didn't give a damn if the conversation were intercepted, or she wanted it intercepted.

The questions concerned all centred on Americans obtaining Canadian citizenship, and went as follows, along with my response.

What changes are involved? [Canada being a constitutional monarchy, the applicant for citizenship must swear allegiance to the Queen] Not a problem, said Tilly. They like Liz, and while some doubts were expressed about Charles, William and Kate were boffo.

What about the system of Government? [The intricacies of parliamentary government must be mastered.] Nonsense, stated Tilly. What Canadian has mastered the intricacies of parliamentary government? Good point.

Anything that has to be given up? [Guns] Hmmm, said Tilly. That could be a deal breaker. To which I replied that Americans never had the right to bear arms in the first place. Just the militia, as detailed in the Second Amendment. Read Strunk's Elements of Style on the proper use of the comma and do some research on the Latin ablative absolute.

Let's move on, said Tilly.

What taxes are there? [Lots]. But you get single payer health care, and no rapacious insurance company acting as middleman and adding no value whatsoever to the process. This, I said to Tilly, is a no brainer.

What about Quebec? Don't they want to secede? [In a pig's eye. Too much money would be lost, to say nothing of the Bloc Quebecois in the House of Commons who would lose their salaries, and quite possibly their pensions. Not going to happen.]

What of the Senate? In America, it's very powerful. [ This is a non-issue, the Canadian Senate being a taxpayer-funded patronage-stuffed old age home. Canadians wait for the day it can be abolished.]

Tilly's last question was a real zinger.

How could an entire state join Canada? [Just ask]. Actually, this would be a very complicated thing indeed, and highly improbable. But I think I was beginning to grasp what was behind all this. America's fiscal situation was horrific, and the only way out was through raising taxes and judicious entitlement cutting. But all legislators, Republican or Democrat, refuse to face up to this in spite of the need, and any number of Americans are beginning to look for an escape hatch. That is, Canada

Now a severe consumption tax, VAT, or whatever you want to call it, is the solution, along with a hefty gasoline levy at the pumps. Oh, The Horror! The Horror! shout the Sarah Palins of the world, who see the solution in lowering taxes and dispensing with large chunks of government. But not Medicaid. And not Medicare. And certainly not the Military. And don't you dare gore my ox!

So we have what I term 'The Two Doctors Syndrome'

A financial paradox.

Sorry. I won't do that again.

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