Lauding The Laconic

My daughter Victoria was spending a few days with me at the Manor. She needed time to recover from receiving a number of bumps and bruises from her various roles as a 'stunt victim' in a number of films and TV shows. She is also a first rate historian, but this is not a highly paid profession, and she does like her Guccis and Louis Vuittons. Hence the (considerable) supplementary income.

One of the bruises, on her left forearm, was particularly nasty.

"And that one," I said, pointing to her arm, "just how --"

"Oh, that happened on a cool British show called 'Strike Back'. It was a mistake."

"No kidding."

"Really," Victoria replied, and took a moment to gather her thoughts.

"You see," she began, "I was tied to a chair for an interrogation, the thumbscrews were ready, when one of the soldiers -- real SAS guys helping out -- accidentally tipped the chair over. I fell on my arm, it hurt like blazes, and I screamed bloody blue murder. Everyone was apologetic as hell, and the director immediately offered a $10,000 bonus. Said it was one of the best shots he had ever filmed. And the soldier felt so bad he took me to dinner that night at the Savoy. It was a great night out -- who's Bella Abzug?"

Victoria had noticed an article I had been reading.

"Bella Abzug," I explained, "was a fine New York Congresswoman who expressed herself in very brief but incisive manner, in a laconic way, if you will. She also had a way with hats, maybe not quite the paragon that the late Queen Mum was, but not bad at all."

Victoria ignored the comment about hats, but was curious about my use of the words 'brief' and 'incisive'.

"I'll give you an example," I said. "Ms Abzug had no use for the term 'housewife'."

"Why ever not?"

"Because she said it implies that there's another wife or wives somewhere else."

"Hmmm. Pretty laconic," said Victoria. "And somewhat coincidental."

"How so?"

"Turns out that I am currently co-authoring a paper on Sparta's role in the Peloponnisian Wars. Another name for Sparta was Lakedaemon, and their use of terse, to the point writing gives us the word 'laconic'. So we have the memorial at Thermopolae where Xerxes' Persians were held up long enough that Greece could get its act together. All it states is 'Go stranger and to Lakedaemon tell, / That here, obeying her behest, we fell.'"

"Your point is made," I stated. Girl did know her history.

"Oh, I can do better than that," said Victoria. I remember reading somewhere** that Phillip of Macedon sent a threatening letter to the city officials, the ephors, of Sparta, which stated 'If I enter Lakedaemon, I shall raze it.' The ephors sent a one word reply, an 'if'." Can't beat that, Mum."

No you can't.

** Victoria really must have been bounced around a bit. She usually is very accurate in naming her sources. The "if" example is cited in Norman Davies' fine text Europe, Oxford University Press, (London, 1996) p. 133. -- ed.