Hands Off My Ukrainian Sugar Beets

I have received a number of queries regarding my sugar beet plantation in Ukraine, given the upheaval that country is experiencing. I can tell you that all is fine.

There are a number of reasons for this.

My manager, Bohdan, is skilled in keeping relations with both Kiev and Moscow warm and friendly, no easy task given the acrimony between the two. Secondly, Russia is a big market for my product. In fact, I am its only source for sugar beets, something that the powers that be in Russia (to wit: Vladimir Putin) are very conscious of. Orders have been given to leave the plantation alone.

These orders stemmed from an intercepted communication initiated in the Kremlin to an outfit called the Russian Orthodox Army. This was interesting, in that Russia had said publicly that this lot was comprised of home-grown patriots with no connection to Russia. How, then could orders.........oh, never mind.

Moreover, the plantation is well into the Western part of Ukraine, and there is no pulsating desire from the population in that area to  be enfolded in the loving embrace of the Russian bear. Finally, Bohdan doesn't skimp on hiring expert personnel when it comes to security, and four of the Orthodox Army guys, feeling us out as it were, are now in a Moscow hospital recovering from a number of unfortunate happenstances involving cracked bones and some other ailments best described, as they do in sports lingo, as "lower body injuries."

So all is well.

That said, I have some sympathy for the Russian point of view. After all, if I am reading my history correctly, it was at Kiev that the Rus (as they were first named) got their start, and successfully fought off the invading Mongols. This was no mean feat, and ever since, Ukraine has occupied a special place in the Russian heart.

But that was then, and this is now, and given the result of the recent and surprisingly very fair election, Ukraine has chosen to belong to, well, Ukrainians.

So to Russia I say, "Now Vladimir, nothing to see or do here. Time to move on."